Letter to an Idiot

Dear OMP Parking Lot User,

 Hello.   You don’t know me but you strike fear in my heart many mornings when you pull into the underground parking lot where I work, as I am pulling out.  This lot is open to anyone with a car and a ten dollar bill.  It’s not just for my fellow employees. I am wary of your arrival every day and have to be doubly vigilant because you are not careful at all. 

The lanes in the lot are quite narrow. The bends are sharp.  People with large vehicles park in the “small car only” spots and hang out precariously into those narrow lanes.  And still, you drive like a freakin’ maniac.

You whip around corners, tires squealing, usually on your cellphone, inspiring mildly murderous thoughts in me as I sit patiently waiting for you to pass without scraping the metal of my car.  Or you fidget impatiently as I pull out of my parking spot, as if I’m not moving quickly enough for you.  Well buddy, I’m moving quickly enough for me because in this cavernous and dangerous cement shelving unit, another one like you is likely about to fly around the bend into my path. 

Here’s a tip or two.  Leave five minutes earlier.  Get another job where you can work from home.  Skip the full caf and go for decaf.  Find a way to make your life a little easier so you can be a little nicer to the strangers you meet along the way.  

Yours in parking lot hell,

Lisa