Idiotic Encounters

D’ya ever have one of those days where it seems like there’s an idiot convention in town, and they’ve all made some sort of secret agreement to target you?

As I exited the Rogers Campus underground parking lot some fool came flying around a bend with his head down, and headed straight toward me. I gave a little friendly “toot” on my horn and he over-corrected and nearly hit a parked car. As he sped past me he looked really angry. At himself, I’m thinking.

I had to stop at a drug store to get a few things and apparently the rest of the free world had the same thought.. I queued up behind a couple of people, when suddenly a woman made a beeline for the cash I was at and thrust a tube of deodorant at the cashier. She wanted a price check. Annoying, but only for a few seconds, right? Wrong. She also wanted to very thoughtfully ask several questions including when the $3.00 item would be going on sale, whether it was hypo-allergenic and if it had aluminium in it. The woman ahead of me turned around to me and said, ‘Can you believe this?’ As the meandering conversation continued, I caught the eye of the clueless customer and cashier and pointed to the woman ahead of me asking, ‘Excuse me, are we invisible?!’ It worked. Ms. Deodorant 2006 skittered away, Ms. Oblivious Cashier harrumphed, and we were moving once again.

I was almost home, when the very ancient driver ahead of me decided it was time to brake for no apparent reason. I took my hands off the wheel and did one of those “Mama Mia!” gestures while saying aloud, ‘Drive much?’ and I guess that was too much for her. She started giving me the most violent version of The Finger that I have ever seen. Her teeny, blue head was barely above the steering wheel but boy, could she ever gesture. I laughed out loud! Seeing that her middle finger wasn’t working, she started pointing to her left, demanding that I pass her. No way, Jose, I’m making a right turn soon. So she slowed to a crawl, about 20 km/hr, to force me to either pass or crawl too. I crawled, laughing my head off. That little crypt creature was getting angrier by the second. It was hysterical! When I finally turned right, she was still waving her arms and her mouth was flapping away. All I could think was, Oh no, she’s going to follow me home and challenge me to a fist-fight! But I could have taken her, no problem.

What a relief it is now to be in the calm of my home with my sweet little dog and no idiots at close range.