Invisible Idiots

I’m picking up on the leading edge of a disturbing trend in our fair city. Hence it behooves me to dust off the words “hence” and “behooves” and warn you about this trend. Apparently, many residents of Toronto are losing their ability to turn invisible.

The way some people are behaving in public, I can only assume that they think they’re invisible and they’d be shocked to know that the rest of us can actually see them. Case in point: A well dressed businessman in a baby Bentley, digging up his nose in a two-finger manner with such vigour, he must have had gold bullion or barrels of crude oil up there. He knew he was being watched and by people other than me, sharing looks of horror and disgust and still, he dug.

Today, a man walking down McNichol was grabbing at his hind area for so long and with such enthusiasm that I thought perhaps Richard Gere had left a gerbil in there.

And let’s not forget all of the drivers who leave their cars under No Parking Anytime signs – they flick on their four-ways in a belief that will render the car invisible. But it’s not working. We can still see them and we pray to the parking ticket gods that the Green Hornets will see them too and reintroduce them to the rules the rest of us must follow through a very expensive ticket.

So, along with the polar ice caps, The Maple Leafs and general civility toward strangers, the ability of thousands of folks to turn invisible is fading away. Someone should really let them know.